i guess this is how i am made. i love making plans. i HAVE to make plans, or else, i can’t move. i can’t get out of the house without a destination in my mind, even if it is a vague one. and i always have to know what i’ll be doing when i get to that said location.

funny thing is, my plans are always broken. they change along the way by circumstances that i can’t control or just don’t think it’s worth the effort to control. these changes in turns welcome, slightly frustrating, exasperating and expected. it’s always a pleasant surprise whenever the plans push through, and everything in my to-do-list is accomplished.

Take yesterday, for example. The two set appointments of the day was an interview at Eastwood with a former beauty queen turned TV host at 10 a.m., then go to my friend’s fiance’s memorial service at 6 p.m. at Manila Memorial. I planned to visit the dressmaker afterwards for my maid-of-honor dress, and then go be the Tishpy and go swimming with Rheea and Rainey in Merville. But of course, all of those well-made plans were tossed out of the window. So new plans were in order.*

i always ask God, whenever plans and appointments get cancelled at the last minute,
“why did i have to go here, if there is nothing for me here?!”
“did you want me to miss something somewhere else that’s why you brought me here?”
“what do you want me to do here?”
“is there a lesson in here somewhere? because that’s P500 worth of gas for a cancelled appointment.”

hmm. still no concrete answer, but from past experiences, there’s always something to learn  and benefit from everything, all i have to do is wait for it.

a verse comes to mind every time my plans go awry, Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the will of the Lord that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21). He knows what’s best, so i’ll trust in Him. i’ll still make plans, of course. that’s how i’m built. but i’ll hang on to them loosely, for whenever God has something better in mind.

____________________

*a brief description of my THEY ARE NICE, BUT PLANS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN DAY

I don’t usually expect interviews to be cancelled at the last minute, but this one did– just the second before i pulled into the parking lot. really infuriating considering i had driven through cavite traffic and up C-5, and gas prices are getting higher and higher, and i wasn’t feeling all that well that morning. but i kept my cool, made new plans. breakfast, dressmaker, maybe a movie, swimming, then wake. so drove to my old alma mater–since i was in QC already– for breakfast. but that didn’t happen. instead, i  got a new copy of my clearance and picked up my diploma and some college scholar certs–finally! then janine texted, she needs me to look over the final layout of 24/7, so there goes swimming. changed plans again, i’ll just go straight to sucat after the magazine, visit the old high school then go to the wake (since it’s right across Manila Memorial). then joshua texts about band practice in cubao for the concert on the 15th– very important since it’s hard to get people together as it is– so no more ICA and later on, we didn’t even make it to the wake because we ended late already.

so there.

“I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.” (Jesus Christ, John 17: 13-15)

not really of the world, but i’m still here.

when i was running around in a country an ocean away from my home, i felt so homesick that it became a pang somewhere in my chest– an actual physical pain. and while i enjoyed myself a lot and experienced so many new things over there, i knew that i wasn’t home and everything that i bought or had wanted to buy was first confronted by this question: “can i bring this home with me?”

i was reminded how much of a transient i am in this world. we are transients! we are much like tourists who go around the place, making the most of everything, taking pictures, writing stuff down because we know that someday we have to leave. all the stuff i’ve accumulated? can i bring them home with me? this whole deal won’t last.

my home is in heaven. i know for sure, not because i’m a good girl (i’m not), but because i had been forgiven of my sins and i have accepted Jesus Christ in my heart. I am now God’s daughter. everyday, this world is really not my home.

and while i haven’t really gone home home yet, i get a taste of it once in a while. when i’m singing a beautiful song to God with my eyes closed and worshiping with all of my being, and i hear my brothers’ and sisters’ voices singing along, oh that’s heaven! whenever i read a psalm or a passage in the Bible that’s like it was written for me to read at that exact moment in my life, that’s from home. when i see the stars in a clear sky, i’m reminded that the Creator of this world and the universe beyond is my Father, i get that tug in my heart that wishes i could sit right next to Him and listen to Him point out each star by its name. every moment of pure joy and wonder– that’s like a taste of the home waiting for me.

i have no wish to die. it will happen eventually– just like i knew that my vacation would come to an end and i would have to go home– i know i’ll get to heaven in time. but for now, i’ll make the most of everything, make memories, make friends, love, enjoy this time given to me, and live my life for Christ.

I will carry a cross and a song where i don’t belong.

how about you? do you know where you’re going home to?

(Thanks to Anj for quoting this song in our cell group. it’s become my theme song these days and it gives me so much comfort when i sing along to it.)

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone
Unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out

I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don’t belong
I don’t belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I’ll be a beautiful letdown
That’s what I’ll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I’ll sing for free

We’re still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one’s won.

See, I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
Well, I don’t belong here, I don’t belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don’t belong
I don’t belong
I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
No, I don’t belong here, I don’t belong
I’m gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won’t you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you’re not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c’mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
It feels like I don’t belong here, yeah
It goes like I don’t belong here
I don’t belong (I don’t belong)
Won’t you let me down (I don’t belong)
C’mon and let me down (I don’t belong)
You always let me down (I don’t belong)
So glad that I’m let down (I don’t belong)
C’mon and let me down (I don’t belong)
‘Cause I don’t belong here
Won’t you let me down!
- Switchfoot

(written yesterday)

it’s 5AM, monday, and i just got back from a whirlwind weekend in baguio. thank God for hindsight, because i never would have planned spending a weekend like that all by myself. and it was blessedawesomefun. i wouldn’t have had it any other way– except maybe, i would’ve had time to go to Good Shepherd to get me some of their chocolate crinkles…

i’ll do a quick recap first–it all began four saturdays ago, when jorem met up with us at the airport. we just got back from a long vacation from the states and he asked if we would like to go to baguio second weekend of september– all expenses paid. maybe it was from travel fatigue that i said, “i’m there” without thinking that it had a catch.

a couple of weeks later, jorem said he’ll email us the MP3s for baguio. sherie and i were like, “MP3s?!” oops. he forgot. there’s the catch! we’re going there to sing at a praise and worship concert! so, i haven’t done that for a long time now, but yeah, sure!

(we were better off than josh though, who got the same invite to go to baguio only late on Sept 4, and decided to go on the day before we left.)

sherie and jorem went ahead and left for baguio on thursday midnight. josh and i took the 11:15 PM deluxe bus last friday from the victory pasay terminal and arrived at 4:30 AM saturday, slept from 5:30 AM to 12 noon, rehearsed in PMA from 3:00 PM to 9:30 PM. josh only found out that day that we were going to do 16 songs– and he’s singing half of them. and then tita ams asked if he could also lead worship for the service on sunday morning. two minutes before the service, josh and milton asked me to help back them up. after the service, we had a quick lunch at camp john hay before going back to PMA at 1:30 PM to prepare for the evangelistic praise and worship concert. from 3:00 PM to 6:00 PM, it was nearly non-stop singing, jumping and praising God with 50-70 cadets and friends.

but it was more than just the singing. it was the fun and fellowship, witnessing the power of God’s Word and the PMA cadets.

we stayed in a house PACKED with missionaries and Bible seminary students (from ISOT-Asia), and a huge friendly black flatulent labrador named Boggart. the house of pastor erwin and tita ams always smelled of food cooking (learned how to make burmese adobo chicken from Johann, a missionary from Myanmar), i met up with a few friends from my freshman and sophomore college years in UP Baguio, who are now in full time ministry, met people from vietnam, myanmar, and GCF north.

The messenger (as they called the speaker) for the weekend was kuya mike (a student from ISOT). he preached straight from the Word, and while his speaking style was never flashy, his messages were satisfying and always spot on. he reminded (and admonished) us (the band) about the dangers of performing, rather than worshipping. it’s all about God. we know this, but, i know i often forget this without meaning to. and in the morning service about good things happening in bad situations (he made us cry a bit with his testimony… or my eyes just got sweaty. hehe), and how God turns them around all in His good time.

at dinner after the concert, pastor erwin read out the response forms from the cadets and it was awesome to hear that most of them accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, renewed their faith and want to join a Bible Study.

Tita Ams had told us that since they had begun their ministry in PMA, there have been a lot of opposition from the enemy. There are still a lot of spiritual strongholds over there. and we could even feel them working againsts us in preparation for the outreach and evangelistic concert. oh, the enemy tried to get as few people to attend the event. though while there could have been more souls there, we knew that the hearts that God had sent to go there were prepared personally by Him to hear the Gospel that day.

and i’m sure it wasn’t just my heart that nearly burst with joy while pastor erwin read out those positive responses. the night before the concert, i asked sherie, “wouldn’t it be just awesome if one of the people who gets saved at the concert becomes, like, a general someday? imagine, a God-fearing man in a place of power in our country?”

i can’t believe that i was just there for two days and so many things had happened in just 48 hours. well, my body’s aching, and my throat feels like it’s torn to shreds from it. but after a week of being attacked by so much discouraging thoughts, the weekend was a great vindication for me. our God’s great, and His love is just awesomeamazing.

walked the fish around town.
drove at 80-90 km/h (not really sure how fast because the speedometer was broken) on macapagal avenue with my eyes closed and hands off the wheel for a whole 10 seconds (at around 1AM)
cried my heart out with my head on the wheel of my car at every intersection on the way to work
told myself that i’m a beautiful daughter of God.
made a waffle ala mode with fat free whipped cream and ben and jerry’s ice cream.
wrote stories about a girl who made friends with a dead boy and slept in coffins just to see if they’re comfortable enough.
wrote letters that i’ve never sent.
slept.
drank a bottle of wine and toasted to all of the singles i knew during valentine’s day.
took pictures of myself.
ordered the most expensive item on the menu.
yelled at the computer monitor because of an impending deadline for an article.
dance.
climbed trees.
ate a peanut butter sandwich under a willow tree in a cemetery and watched the sunset.
lit candles at my lolo’s grave and wrote him a story of how i was sorry i didn’t get to know him when i had the chance.
smiled.
drove to tagaytay just for calzone at Carlo’s Pizza and starbucks coffee.
took the bus to downtown san diego.
walked up and down session road at three in the morning until exhausted.
tried to conduct the waves like an orchestra.
shivered with fear inside an empty apartment, when my bed suddenly gave a big shake. i prayed for God’s presence to be felt at that moment and immediately it was as if i was covered in a warm embrace and stopped shaking.
walked in the rain.
drew a tree.
blew bubbles.
counted stars.

this has to do for now because we’re off to explore DC:

sunday highlights:

1. attended the early service at Covenant Life church, message by Senior Pastor Joshua Harris on baptism and witnessed a baptism in a new light. cried with joy several times. met up with dear old friend Rhea.

2. attended Grace Filipino Church. sang with my sisters (which only happens once a year). it was a small, family church with a presider that often slips into a heavily-Visayan accented Filipino and a pastor who exhorted us to “Just do it! Live for Christ!).

3. attended Frontline– the church of the mission team we (accidentally) met when they went for a missions trip to the Philippines. the church was HUGE– with lights, smoke machines, and probably a dozen big projector screens. thousands of young adults. the speaker for that night was the founder of Frontline (and it was great to see the dreamer and the dream together). it was different church experience altogether. i met up with Celine (my godsister) and some of the guys from the team, and also got introduced to new people. and we’re having dinner with them tonight.

amazing, amazing sunday. i’m going to post pictures soon. right now, i’m still mostly speechless at how the east coast has turned out to be for us. i wish we didn’t have to leave so soon…

ok, so i’ve been here in the west coast for over a month now. next month, we’ll be flying off the east coast for a whole new set of adventures, albeit only for a week. here, in a suite at the mirage (courtesy of my cousin jon), i sit at the dining room table, with background music provided by two snoring men (my tito leo and ivan amargo), i reflect on the things that had happened so far in the few weeks i’ve been on my own.

first thing’s first: for sure, i know i love my family. i missed them while i was apart from them, but when we got together we are always bickering over the smallest things. we have a weird kind of relationship. it’s not the touchy-demonstrative kind (although we do have some moments). it’s like walking on a tightrope knowing that there’s a net down below to catch us when we fall (we always know we would). there’s the tension of keeping the balance between familiarity and civility, but also the security of knowing that even when we do fail to keep our balance, our love for each other is still there. this is the longest time i’ve been with my family (and it’s just us girls and my mom) 24/7 and it’s hard to keep the juan-women sauciness in check when we’re around other people and each other over an extended period of time. i think i love my family more in the more conventional kind of way when i’m apart from them. hehe

it’s great meeting new people who had no preconceived notions about me because of my family and other stuff (well, maybe only on the stuff based on what matt had said about me– but i never asked what he had told them). doing random things and going to random places. i guess the only thing that i didn’t like what being at the mercy of other people’s kindnesses 24/7 (although they were very kind– too kind that i often find myself wishing i didn’t have to bother them and take too much of their rest and sleeping time just so i could go around), i wish i had a car to drive myself around. well, i did take the bus a couple of times… i got so used to doing stuff on my own, that it’s weird having to call people just so i can go shopping or go to the beach, or even get home from whatever place i found myself in (special mention to my five main drivers: jon, lola luz, matt, rodney and ali). it’s a very humbling experience.

i really enjoyed being by myself, and i really need those times when to be alone. the quiet times when i was the only one in the house at cerritos, and the few alone times in san diego that i could get away with. it was great hanging out with friends every.single.day. but there are really times when i wished that we could slow down, stop in one place long enough to even breathe a prayer to God for how beautiful His creation is. or just to rest our minds. to just be quiet. at one point, i just stopped talking (barbara called me antisocial, but it’s true). i realized that i am a loner masquerading as a friendly and sociable person. i can only be around so many people for so much time. but i’m ok with that. hahaha

i’ve been reading the Bible more and writing in my journal lately. and the most important revelations are still found in His Word. while my spiritual high has finally plateaued, it’s good to find discipline taking the helm. i don’t want to preempt anything, but i know that things are going to change drastically soon. i have to start hauling ass if i want to keep up. Dear Lord, make me brave.

Anyway, i’m still in the process of posting pictures. there are a lot of them. i miss home and everyone and everything in it. but until then, i’ll keep on going.

I got ugly legs. They weren’t like this before. I used to wear short shorts before they were even fashionable (albeit with big shirts so I look like I was walking around with just a shirt on). Now my calves are too muscular, my thighs—um… I don’t even want to talk about them. What happened?!

A lot of things happened. I fell a lot. I ran with the boys, tripped a fell a lot; climbed trees, jumped or fell of them; I learned how to bike, fell off bikes; I took up skateboarding, fell off the skateboard; got inline skates, fell on my knees a lot (and butt); I went hiking, slid and fell down on the ground and rocks; wore high heels, tripped on cracks and fell down the stairs. Of course, running, biking, in-line skating made the muscles grow. I loved to hike and walk around, so when I lived in Baguio I did a lot of that. So, they’re not slender anymore. I also did Taekwondo for a couple of years—those kicks can really take a toll on a girl’s thighs.

I wonder if I had taken care of them back then, I would be able to wear those shorts, skirts and short dresses that look so cute on other girls and yet horrid on me. But then I ask myself, could I have traded all those experiences and stories for a perfect pair of lower appendages?

On hindsight, I guess I could have been prim and proper—more girly and conscious of all the toll my activities are taking on my legs. I should have been more careful, less reckless. It’s not as if I don’t take care of my legs—I’ve cleaned the wounds, bandaged them, didn’t pick on the scabs (too much), and since I became a teenager, I shaved and put lotion on them. But still, they’re like this. So I cover them with jeans and long skirts to spare the people of their ugliness. It takes a lot of psyching up for me to wear dresses that show my calves (hence I only have a few dresses), I never wear shorts except when I’m in the house, at the pool or beach (because you can’t go swimming in pants, unless you want to drown).

I am nearly twenty-seven years old, my legs are tanned from the days at the beach, bruised and scraped from the body board and skim board, I have a blister on my foot from walking around too much. I look at my legs and its scars; I see my childhood and reckless youth; I remember the places I have been, all the times I fell—and got up— when I’ve gone beyond my fears, and the nearly-dying experiences.

Sad yet, in a way, comforting, I look at my legs and see just as how God made me, so i guess that makes them just fine.

But don’t look at my legs. Please.

postscript:

I wanted to learn skim boarding yesterday at the beach. It didn’t look easy, but it looked like a lot of fun. So I borrowed Christian’s skim board, got some tips and tried to do it. Yes, “tried.” Several times, in fact, I actually managed to skim the water for a few inches in a split-second before falling off. It was pathetic.

Christian graciously commended me for even stepping on the board since most people don’t even want to do it on their first try. I on my last try, I ran, threw the board forward in front of me, caught up with it and skimmed on a inch of water—and fell hard on the sand, skidding for a few inches more. I laughed until I tried to stand up and felt a sting on my upper left thigh. Another bruise and scar on my leg. Just fantastic.

dear friends,

i’m discovering that california seems to have a shortage of postcards… i have been looking into bookstores, library bookstores, groceries, the mall, gas station shops, etc., but so far, i’ve only found san diego postcards in starbucks, and they’re not even nice. but if worse comes to worst, i guess i’ll get those for you guys.

but other than that, my trip has been more than i had expected it to be. it’s just been a blessing so far. i still have traces of jetlag, but i have been making most of my days by waking up mostly at 6AM and staying up until 3AM. days are longer here, with the sun setting at 8:30PM (we watched it set behind the pacific ocean today on la joya beach).

i am writing this now in my best friend’s apartment in san diego. we’ve just spent a long afternoon at the beach with the people i met at the regeneration summer conference this weekend (who live in san diego). it’s been a long weekend and i have much to say about it, but i don’t want to bore you so much with the details, so i’ll just list the memorable stuff down and we’ll talk about them some more when i get back. and i’ll post pictures soon. promise. i’ll buy the card reader tomorrow since i’m almost out of memory space in my camera now.

STEF’S HAPPY THOUGHTS

1. regeneration summer conference– a conference for fil-am kids from different churches in california. i wasn’t supposed to go but matt made me by paying for my reg fee. i’m so glad i attended it. it was a powerful weekend filled with revelations, lessons, and worship. it felt kinda like home since they were mostly filipinos and i’m used to being around strangers and being forced to make new friends.
2. the amargos– tito bayin, tita lei, tito ira, tita irma, matt, faith, andrew, ivan, iza, ina, and isaac. they just took me in and adopted me! they are such great blessings and encouragement. i didn’t realize just how much i missed them until i met them all again at regen.
3. plentiful harvest track– the seminar i assisted tito ira in. it was about cross-cultural missions and it really spoke to me and shook me to the very core.
4. pastor dave– a polar bear of a man who instantly knew that i came from the philippines just by looking at me. God spoke mightily through him too. he reminded me that God will use people despite their qualifications and that we are all called for different things.
5. pastor mikel– a missionary who just came back from the philippines who knew first hand how it’s important to hang on to our identity in Christ instead of what we do for Him because ministries do fail.
6. barbara espinosa– a kindred spirit in the body of a white mexican girl. she’ll be going to china to be a missionary next year. she gave me an awesome introduction (and sales pitch) to the bible school in murrietta (i slept over her place in the campus last night and we soaked in the hotsprings at midnight. awesome.) she drives like a filipino– a girl after my own heart. she also introduced me to the joys of chipotle.
7. san diego people– now only my relatives, cavite people, and san diego people have the right to call me by my childhood name. they are great people who are so crazy in love with God, and just plain crazy. special mention: big carlo, kim, abby, ali, joan, joff, rodney, skip, jayson, christian, christopher, angie, ray.
8. beach day– i didn’t like the water so much (it was as cold as refrigerated water– and they call it warm!), and the waves are punishing, and i wiped out a lot of times on the boogey board and matt almost took my head off with his at one point, but it was a good day. it was a different beach day filled with food that ended with prayers and worship under the northern constellations in firelight.
9. my mission-vision– since God had restored it, everyday counted, and no detail seems pointless anymore.
10. i got a glimpse of how wide and awesome the land through which God is leading me one step at a time, although the path is still fuzzy. often times, i find my knees buckling to the floor in worship at just how great and awesome He is. i prayed that i would get to know Him more and He’s answered my prayer. i just don’t know what to do sometimes with all the joy and love i’ve got in me. i pray that He would empty me out of stef and just fill me up with all of Him.

i miss you. seriously. i think about you guys a lot–especially when i can’t sleep at night. how are you doing? how’s your Godspotting going?

(i miss my cat…)

but yes, i am where God wants me to be now. and it’s awesome to be here. i wish you were here too.

Grace, peace, and love to you.

me

so there i was at 6:30 PM, monday– the sun setting behind the horizon, ailene waving me off– i showed my ticket to the guard who smiled and let me through, lugged my huge-ass suitcase on to the baggage x-ray machine and let the woman frisk me. i found the business class check-in counter, smiled at the lady behind it and handed her my ticket. she took one look at it and checked her computer. “non-revenue? i’m sorry,” she said, not unkindly, “you’re on checkhold right now.”

checkhold. i knew what that meant. “but i called and book my flight last night,” i replied. non-revenue but still, my dad paid for more than half the price of the ticket.

“yes, but that was just for the meal list. i can only let you check-in at 9 PM.”

i stared at her and said, “the lady on the phone told me to come her by 6:30 and now you’re telling me i can only know for sure if i’ll make it to the flight at 9?”

she smiled apologetically. “you can still go to the mall…”

i glared at her. “too late. my ride left ten minutes ago.” i sighed and dragged my cart to the nearest cellphone charging bench. i plopped down on the cold metal seat and tried not to think that i could’ve been at the mabuhay lounge. i plugged greebo in and decided to listen to Ravi’s “Absolute Truth in Relative Terms” and tried not to let my impatience simmer.

i stared at the crowd of people coming in and followed them to make sure that they don’t go to the business class counter. the less people checking in, the more chances i had of making the flight. i sighed again and texted some people about my predicament, all the time thinking that if my dad were here, he’d be with me, wearing his full captain’s uniform and telling the people at the counter that i’m his daughter and i deserved to be in first class.

but Dad was in Vancouver. i didn’t even think about texting him.

i sighed and prayed that i’d just stop grumbling because even i was annoying myself at that point. i needed to get rid of all the self-entitlement and just stop fidgeting. it occured to me that maybe this is another lesson on waiting that God was teaching me, and i was already fumbling through it. jen texted me a few minutes later to confirm, that yes, this is another one of them lessons. haha

so i prayed. yes, Lord… it would be all right for me to wait some more for the flight to LA. i mean, i’ve waited for it this long, right? what’s another day? but i’m already here! in my 18-hour flight outfit (very safari, according to ailene), all packed and ready. it’s just one seat on the business class. not too many people took business class, right? please let me get on this plane…

an hour passed. Ravi finished his sermon and i didn’t understand any of it, so i played it again and made sure to pay attention to it this time. i wondered at how i wasn’t nervous anymore, compared to the days leading to this. apart from the hard seat, i was in perfect peace. i had my feet up on my suitcase and listening to a sermon about the temptations of Jesus Christ in the desert. i still prayed every few minutes that i’d make it to the flight, but i wasn’t worried anymore.

five minutes after nine, i went back to the counter to ask if i’m in, but the lady said they hadn’t gotten clearance yet but she’d let me know. she knew where i was waiting, she’d just wave to me.

as soon as i sat back on the bench, my phone rang with an unlisted number. i answered it and it was Captain Ortega– the captain of my flight. he said Dad called him and asked him to take care of me. he told me that as soon as i get my boarding pass (which i still wasn’t sure i’d get), i must be the last to board the plane and look for the purser who will take care of me. i wrote his name and the purser’s name on my hand so i wouldn’t forget. he told me to call him as soon as i get my boarding pass. as soon as i hung up, my mom called and told me that Dad called flight dispatch and the captain of the flight. i told her i’ve spoken to Captain Ortega already. when i looked up, the lady at the counter was beaming and beckoning to me. i got in!

i breathed a prayer of thanks and got my boarding pass, went through immigrations and the next two inspections. i was just smiling all the way, and people smiled back at me. since i was told to be last to board, i made small talk with the inspectors for a bit– who thought i was a US citizen going home (must be the safari outfit, heh), and told me i didn’t look 26 because i was grinning a lot.

the people at the gate were expecting me, probably because the captain told them, or they knew my dad. i waited for a bit before boarding the plane. the purser showed me to the first class cabin as soon as i got in. i didn’t even ask God for this. awesome.

so where was God in all of this?

i saw Him in my dad (which i thought was awesome)– when he was looking out for me, sending people to take care of me even if i thought he was too faraway to do anything. God is always there, watching out for us, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. Thank God that i’m finding Him more and more in various situations now. There is also a recognition that i’m my dad’s daughter even if i didn’t tell people. dad told people about me. just as God’s people are different and could be recognized by other people– for some reason, Christian are more attractive because of their love for God.  it’s true. i’m not saying the people at the airport found me attractive– but i hope you get my point.

while i didn’t ask to be put in first class, Captain Ortega still put me there because i’m a captain’s daughter. i remember reading in John Piper’s Desiring God that the problem with us is, not that we ask God for too much but, we ask God for too little. God wants to give the best for us, and because of His grace, even if we don’t ask for it, He gives it anyway. “To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine,” right?

and God was there in the waiting. it’s funny that in Isaiah 40:31 it says, ““but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles…” because it was literal for me at that situation– waiting, and then flying? get it? heh. but seriously, i know He was there– He is still here–when He soothed my fears and impatience away, in the background, were He moved people to answer my prayers, in the long and slightly bumpy flight over the pacific ocean, to my passing through immigration without a hitch and finally getting here.

in Cerritos (LA County), the weather is just perfect– like Baguio in February. i’m all alone in the house as i’m writing this. i’m thinking of trying the bus and going to Cerritos’ awesome library (i saw the building yesterday). i haven’t done much, in terms of touristy things–except buy sunblock at the Target around the corner– but i’m glad i’m here. i still have the peace that descended on me while waiting at the airport, and i know that i’m where i’m supposed to be right now.

so, where have you spotted God lately?

something nice happened on the way here. i wrote about it on the plane… but i don’t feel like posting it yet. maybe tomorrow.

this just to let you guys know i’m alive and well over in this side of the world.