My Body is Holding Onto…
these.
hugs, the tight, never-let-me-go ones that can make everything feel all right and safe and better. the hugs where i let go of all of my worries and just be in the moment, when everything fits. when two heartbeats keep in time and each other’s breath rise and falls in sweet synchronicity. i know i still hug people, but these hugs, i’m holding on to them for now.
my hands. i can find handholds and footholds, i can carry my own weight. i can pick myself up from the ground (had a lot of practice with that, God knows how many times I have fallen). but oh, for a hand to hold! to know the wonder of that impossible symmetry of how our fingers thread each other’s perfectly (paraphrased from a poem by Colin Tan). still waiting.
ghost aches of mended heartbreaks. of memories. these twinges on the left side of my chest, the stomaches, the goose pimples that break out when a touch calls to a memory from long ago. i want to let them go, but my body likes holding onto to these to remind me that they did happen. and i’m still alive.
this hunger. i want it insatiable, spiritual, but physically felt. my whole body shudders with the hunger to know more of my Lord. every twinge, and everytime my strength is flagging, i take it as a sign that i need more of Him. my body is holding onto this. and this is one hunger that will never be filled until i go home to Him.
