resetting

This year began with a prayer and a list of what I want and what i thought i need this year to be. the list included early morning quiet time, early bed times, no more procrastinations. and so far, i haven’t even had three straight days of good healthy sleep and a sunrise quiet time– and it’s already February! everything i touch and I are suffering from it.
Lord, reset my year.

I came back to an old unposted blog on resetting and found this passage on a day last year, when i found sadness setting in my heart without permission. I had asked my God, my Father, for something, anything, from His Word to hold on to. Right now, with only an average of four hours of sleep a day and little rest for the past few weeks, in the midst of writing another article that’s just past its deadline, plus all the weariness of being sad about my cat, I cry out to my God–to be my strength, my refuge and my rest. I got one more day this week before heading to the mountains for a retreat this weekend, i just need to get through Friday.

and He gave me this:

Psalm 77

For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.

1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me. 2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah

4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.

5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;

6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?

8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?

9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
Selah

10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.

13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?

14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.

15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah

16 The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.

17 The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.

18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.

19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

I suppose this was written while the psalmist was in “the depths of despair” (from anne of green gables) and things were so dark for him that he couldn’t see God nor hear Him. They were close, and God has seen him through harder times, but now the psalmist is asking “Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time?”

sometimes God doesn’t feel like He’s there, but what we have to do during those times where we’re left in the dark, is to trust His character, His heart. To look back and see that He has never failed before, and trust that He has no reason to fail us now. His timing is always perfect and He’ll pull through. I guess this goes back to the first lesson i had to learn for the year– and that is to trust in him, and find my rest in that trust.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because He trusts in You. Trust in the Lord, forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.” (Isaiah 26:3)

but of course, i still need sleep, and to stop procrastinating. hehe.