i don’t belong here (a beautiful letdown)

“I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.” (Jesus Christ, John 17: 13-15)

not really of the world, but i’m still here.

when i was running around in a country an ocean away from my home, i felt so homesick that it became a pang somewhere in my chest– an actual physical pain. and while i enjoyed myself a lot and experienced so many new things over there, i knew that i wasn’t home and everything that i bought or had wanted to buy was first confronted by this question: “can i bring this home with me?”

i was reminded how much of a transient i am in this world. we are transients! we are much like tourists who go around the place, making the most of everything, taking pictures, writing stuff down because we know that someday we have to leave. all the stuff i’ve accumulated? can i bring them home with me? this whole deal won’t last.

my home is in heaven. i know for sure, not because i’m a good girl (i’m not), but because i had been forgiven of my sins and i have accepted Jesus Christ in my heart. I am now God’s daughter. everyday, this world is really not my home.

and while i haven’t really gone home home yet, i get a taste of it once in a while. when i’m singing a beautiful song to God with my eyes closed and worshiping with all of my being, and i hear my brothers’ and sisters’ voices singing along, oh that’s heaven! whenever i read a psalm or a passage in the Bible that’s like it was written for me to read at that exact moment in my life, that’s from home. when i see the stars in a clear sky, i’m reminded that the Creator of this world and the universe beyond is my Father, i get that tug in my heart that wishes i could sit right next to Him and listen to Him point out each star by its name. every moment of pure joy and wonder– that’s like a taste of the home waiting for me.

i have no wish to die. it will happen eventually– just like i knew that my vacation would come to an end and i would have to go home– i know i’ll get to heaven in time. but for now, i’ll make the most of everything, make memories, make friends, love, enjoy this time given to me, and live my life for Christ.

I will carry a cross and a song where i don’t belong.

how about you? do you know where you’re going home to?

(Thanks to Anj for quoting this song in our cell group. it’s become my theme song these days and it gives me so much comfort when i sing along to it.)

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone
Unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out

I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don’t belong
I don’t belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I’ll be a beautiful letdown
That’s what I’ll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I’ll sing for free

We’re still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one’s won.

See, I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
Well, I don’t belong here, I don’t belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don’t belong
I don’t belong
I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
No, I don’t belong here, I don’t belong
I’m gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won’t you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you’re not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c’mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

I don’t belong here (I don’t belong)
It feels like I don’t belong here, yeah
It goes like I don’t belong here
I don’t belong (I don’t belong)
Won’t you let me down (I don’t belong)
C’mon and let me down (I don’t belong)
You always let me down (I don’t belong)
So glad that I’m let down (I don’t belong)
C’mon and let me down (I don’t belong)
‘Cause I don’t belong here
Won’t you let me down!
- Switchfoot