a coward
July 21, 2007 by taguan
“God is bigger than the boogie man.” - Veggie Tales
My cousin, Lizeth, seven months pregant and so excited about her baby, had to undergo a C-section last week due to complications. Her baby, Madeline– premature and only weighing a little more than a pound– struggled to survive for two days before she passed away. Tomorrow, Lizeth will bury her first born. my heart breaks for her.
I wish i was there with my cousin throughout her ordeal, but i wasn’t. and when i finally got back to L.A., i just hugged her long and tight, unable to find any words to say. i’m such a failure as a comfort to her.
i wanted to tell her that i prayed when i found out that she had the baby– and for Madeline to grow up and recover despite all odds. i wanted to tell her that even if God didn’t answer our prayers, He’s still in control.
God is greater than this.
and He still loves her.
but how would that sound in her loss? cliched, trite, the empty babble of her cousin, the Jesus freak. would she think, if God loved madeline, He would have let her survive? i don’t know how i would answer that. so i didn’t say a word, and prayed in the silence of my room.
in the face of this tragic reality i am found a coward.
(and i still don’t know what to say to her.)
I am sorry that baby Madeline was unable to fight any longer.
I am the mother of a baby girl who was born at 27weeks and survived so I know what fight your talking about.
All I can suggest is to not disregard Madeline. You would have to see how your cousin feels about speaking about her but I have friends who have lost babies and we speak of them when it comes up. Its not an awkward conversation at all. Maybe i just understand it better as there were times i could have possibly been them too?
you might be able to give her something that can be a special gift i have heard of plants. trees, star naming’s etc. You could also get her a keepsake box to keep all of Miss M spacial things in. I always say that our angel babies spend mere moments with us but create a life time of memories.
I have a website in Australia that has things for angel babies but in the states there are many places to buy things too. there are also places that sell child loss jewelery. even a charm bracelet or a chain around her neck with the M on it would be beautiful.
I hope some of that helped. Don’t be afraid to say something because yoru worried you might put your foot in your mouth and say the wrong thing. just choose your words wisely don’t make out you know what she is gong through just tell her your there if she needs anything at all.
take care
i am so sorry to read about your cousin’s loss of her baby Madeline. I had a miscarriage some time ago and still could not forget the feeling of losing my baby. The best way to comfort Lizbeth right now would be by praying for both of them.
would she think, if God loved madeline, He would have let her survive? the best answer would be the same answer i heard from my hubby then, “kasi mas gusto ni God na makasama na sya kaagad as one of His angel rather than living a life that might be cruel to her here on earth.”
BTW, you have such a nice blog. I hope you won’t mind me being a frequent visitor her.