that’s the word

Myla, my 1 to 1 leader– or discipler– in VCF finally gave me the word for this phase that i’m going through right now that i find so surprising. it’s “refreshing.” why didn’t i think of that word before? yes, it is a time of refreshing for me. i’m rested, i’m at peace. sure, i’m still working, but it feels like i’m on a vacation.

we were talking about the Lordship of Christ and repentance. and i remembered the tenet i had always tried to live by back before all the snafu with my now ex-boyfriend started– “Leave the consequences of your obedience to God.” and with that, i didn’t care what people thought of me, as long as i knew that i was obeying my God. i sometimes stopped to ask myself if i was where i wanted to be and the answer was always a resounding “yes!” my transparency made me cool to my friends, and a conundrum to strangers.

i know peace comes with living a life of obedience. before willfully disobeying Him, i was rested and had all the energy in the world. and i put all of that on hold for this guy who made me laugh but also broke my heart.

now it’s all coming back. after the repentance and forgiveness from my Lord. it’s all coming back– the peace, the rest, the joy, and the security i had even back then. forgiving myself is a lot harder than forgiving my ex… but i think i’m getting it now.